Mice and Monsters.

So many sleepless nights in my past, so many times I swore disaster was eminent. I could worry myself sick, and so I did, literately.  Looking back at all the bullets Ive managed to dodge, Ive begun to see a pattern.            My obsessive worry and anxiety never served any purpose outside of making me and everyone else around me ill, and the monster of a problem was never as terrible as I had made it out to be in my dramatic fantasy's of  horror and suffering. I mean seriously, If somebody looked at me funny, I could conjure up the most ridicules worst case scenario outcome that was possible, worry then panic then act on unfounded beliefs and make everything 10 times worse. this became a habitual way of  thinking and acting  for me. It took certain problems of a truly serious nature to wake me up enough to break this habit. In the course of 20 years of addiction and the mess that I created along side of it, Ive experienced just about every lose lose situation you could imagine. this pattern perpetuated itself. until finally at 40 I have an impending prison sentence to consider. All of my past dilemmas pale in contrast to my current situation. HOLD ON, here's the blessing in the mess. all of the end of the world deals that I lived through in the past, are now my instruction manuals on how not to handle this seemingly imposable self rendered nightmare.Through this experience I have been given so much insight on what truly matters, as opposed to what I tend to think/believe matters, that I have a peace that defies all understanding. So nowadays when I'm scared I have to ask myself is this a mouse or a monster I'm so afraid of , and even if it really is a monster, when I move forward in faith and love, God will carry me through, always.  I.'m here to tell you, even through the worst of sobriety, I've never had it so good!