I have to ask myself.

I have to ask myself, Why? why am I anxious, why am I angry, why am I really doing this or that? Why? why? why? I'm like a 5 year old.  The lost state I ended up in drove me to not trust my feelings anymore, because acting on my feelings always led me straight into the same mess that destroyed my former life, Why?  This was a key piece of the puzzle for me "we experience anxiety when we impose unrealistic beliefs upon ourselves, We experience anger when we impose unrealistic beliefs  upon others", Spencer Lords (the brain mechanic), You see I had two states for about 20 years, Anxious and angry or high and drunk. when I got rid of the high and drunk, and the anxious and angry was still there I wanted to know why. Thank God for the fellowship, Thank God for God, and every beautiful weirdo that had drug themselves out from behind a dumpster and  gotten sober or clean or however you want to say it. they had the answer in its simplest form, and they pointed me in the right direction. Willingness to change did the rest. allot like the way our brains fill in the gaps in our vision with what it assumes is there. my brain was filling in the gaps of my beliefs with information that was simply not true, and I excepted it as fact. As a result of this blind faith regarding my thoughts, I constantly experienced harmful negative emotions, and intern fixed those emotions/feelings the best way I knew how. Now I'm learning to check the whole thought process before I form a belief on any given situation. It took throwing away allot of  beliefs that I thought were what made me, me. truth be told the only purpose they ever served was keeping me sick. all the make it or break it statements I had like, they cant do that, I cant stand this, I wont put up with that, I have to do this, or they have to do this or that,  had to go. Tell you the truth nobody has to do anything including me,  and If there actually had been something in my life so far that I could not take, I wouldn't be writing this now. Out of the three things that guide our actions.there are situations, beliefs and feelings, there's only one  we can control. Life is always going to be life, its a constant up and down, good and bad easy and hard, the only thing that never changes is how much it changes.Negative emotions can be put up with for a period of time. they can be suppressed or ignored, but stay angry, nervous, or depressed for any serious amount of time and the old solution starts to look real good. So the only thing left is my beliefs, witch directly affect my feelings/emotions , Who says I have to get angry if you cut me off in traffic, or that I have to be anxious when I might loose my job, or I have to be depressed because I'm starting over at 40, Nobody! and if they do there lying. So I stopped putting such heavy demands on my self and others and started to choose to believe that what was happening in my life was exactly what was supposed to be happening, and then I simply move forward in faith and love.